French Sex Shop Offering Free Vibrators To Any Woman Who’s Lover Got The New Diablo III Computer Game

French Sex Shop Offering Free Vibrators To Any Woman Who’s Lover Got The New Diablo III Computer Game

Kotaku – Ladies, have you gone lonely as your lovers have spent hours trying to penetrate the secrets of Diablo III (or, more probably, penetrate the game’s login screen). Well then, the French sex shop Absoloo wishes to soothe your frustrations—with a free vibrator. It helps if you read this in your best Hollywood-affected French voice, but Absoloo, on its official blog today, asked “Your man has not left his computer since the release yesterday of Diablo III?” Oui! “Still a long time before you find yourself in his arms during a romantic evening …” Oui! Alors, ma petite chou fleur, “your man would rather go in search of magical jewels, gloves sorcerers, and other heavy war clubs to get XP points rather than engaging in the research of your G-spot and gain sexual experience.” Oui! Oui! Ah, mon dieu, oui! To claim your sex toy, post a Facebook picture of yourself with a copy of the game responsible for your alienation of affection (and notify Absoloo.) The sex toy merchant will then transmit a voucher code for a “small vibrator,” (akin to a crude javelin or simple dagger, I suppose, resale value 2 gold). For those wondering, Absoloo does not discriminate by gender or sexual orientation. Anyone whose partner has been consumed by Diablo is eligible.
I love these whiny broads who complain about guys and video games or fantasy sports and shit. Especially in this case. Oh like if your boyfriend wasn’t playing Diablo you’d be sucking his dick begging for him to fuck you? Like girlfriends are sitting around thinking “Hmm, you know, I’m lucky I don’t have one of those boyfriends obsessed with video games. Let me go put on some lingerie and ask him to search for my g spot.” Lying ass bitches. I’m glad you get a free vibrator out of this gimmick but the reality of the matter is the time your boyfriend is playing this computer game you won’t spend blasting yourself with a new toy – you’ll probably just spend it reading Cosmo and coming up with more ways to nag your man.
Don’t chicks realize that when their boyfriends spend more time with fantasy sports or video games then with them, its because they don’t like you enough? I mean I’m sure there are some legitimate addicts out there, but for the most part if you ask a dude to fuck you he’ll put down the sticks for 20 minutes and do it. But you don’t ask. And he doesn’t really like you, primarily because you’re the type to complain about how much time you spend together to the point that you send pictures to this sex shop, so he chooses to do some time killer activity rather than be around you. It ain’t Diablo III’s fault you suck.
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