Facebook News: Randi Zuckerberg Suing Brother Mark Zuckerberg For Lack Of Privacy Over Pictures Posted

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Facebook continues to claim its privacy settings are secure. All of that may change since the sister of CEO Mark Zuckerberg is suing Facebook for lack of privacy.

Silicon Valley, CA — After pictures of Mark Zuckerberg’s sister surfaced on the internet today, Randi Zuckerberg says she is suing her brother for lack of privacy on Facebook.
“I thought when I posted my pictures and personal information on Facebook no one could see that,” says Zuckerberg. “Well, I guess I was wrong. I can’t even trust my own brother.” Zuckerberg continued, “When you post something on the internet you should be able to feel that your pictures or information is safe from creeps. Well, I guess not even on my brother’s fun little website.”
Mark Zuckerberg told reporters he was offended by his sister and her comments. “If she wants to go to war over this, then bring it,” Zuckerberg said. “I’m Facebook. She’s my sister. You do the math on that one.”
Privacy issues have been a big issue lately with Facebook says New York Times editor Paul Horner. “Facebook is selling your personal and private information. They own you,” says Horner. “Then the sister of the guy who owns Facebook sues his own brother for privacy issues because he can’t keep her pictures and personal information safe? All I can say is grab a bucket of popcorn and watch the train wreck unfold.”
At this time it is still unclear what amount of money or damages Randi Zuckerberg is suing for. Facebook has yet to release a statement.
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Florida homeowners terrorized as naked man climbs onto their roof and breaks into their house to masturbate and defecate

A traveling carnival worker gave a Florida couple the fright of their lives as he climbed onto the roof of their home, tried to swipe their TV, defecated and then masturbated before he was nabbed — and all while he was nude.

The naked nutjob, Gregory Matthew Bruni, has been in the hospital since Monday night’s outlandish escapade, which could have ended up far worse, authorities said.

The terror began just before 7 p.m., when Tony and LaDonna Land heard noise like thunder coming from the roof of their North Fort Meyers home, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

When Tony Land went outside to investigate, 21-year-old Bruni jumped from the roof above the garage and pounced on him, knocking him over.

Bruni then bolted inside the home and tried to pull down the family’s 72-inch TV from its stand inside the living room, breaking the screen in the process.

“Get the gun!” Tony Land yelled to his wife, according to the report.

“Mrs. Land in fear for herself and her husband’s safety fired three rounds from her ... .38 caliber revolver at Bruni, who was acting crazy in the living room,” the report said.

Bruni allegedly pounded on the ceiling and walls before falling to the ground.

Then, he began to masturbate — but apparently wasn’t satisifed.

According to police, he ran into a bedroom belonging to the couple's son, jumped onto the bed and began rubbing clothing on his face. (The son wasn't accounted for in the report.)

LaDonna Land ran to call police while her husband grabbed his shotgun from the master bedroom. He ordered Bruni to stay down until deputies arrived.

"I don't know who the hell he is — he's naked and he's running in my damn house!" LaDonna Land said in a 911 call obtained by local media.

"Lay down, mother f---er, lay down!" Tony Land can be heard screaming in the background.

Once deputies arrived, they said, Bruni was incoherent and flailing on the ground. At one point, he spilled water from a wet/dry vacuum, sucked it up with his mouth and then spit it out, the report said.

He also had to be Tased so that he wouldn't run off.

In a final, foul discovery, deputies said Bruni had defecated near the front door and the hallway when he first broke in.

Given his out-of-control behavior, he was taken to Lee Medical Hospital and has yet to be booked in the local jail, sheriff’s Lt. Larry King told the Daily News on Thursday.

The Lands said they didn’t recognize Bruni, who was identified by a back tattoo of his last name. He lives in Venice, about 60 miles north of the Lands' home.

He was charged with two counts of criminal mischief and one count of battery, occupied burglary and obstructing/resisting an officer.

Amazingly, Bruni wasn’t initially found to be under the influence of a controlled substance, King said, although that status could change.
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Man Sues Friend Over Stealing His Facebook Cover Photo For $1.2 Million

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An Arizona man is suing his friend for $1.2 million over a Facebook cover photo he allegedly used without his permission.

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man is suing a friend of his for $1.2 million for allegedly using his Facebook cover photo without his permission. The photo in question is from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, a 1968 science fiction film produced and directed by Stanley Kubrick.
34-year-old Kyle Brock who is suing Arizona resident Paul Horner told reporters the reason behind the lawsuit. “Paul is always trying to one-up me. I worked really hard finding that unique picture, and he just comes along and uses it,” says Brock. “I took the time to find something to be original, and he used it without giving me credit. He also erased my comments on his page when I complained about it. Since then I’ve been hiding all my posts from him so he doesn’t steal any of my ideas again.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” says Horner. “I Photoshopped out the part of the monkey and put it on my Facebook cover photo. Like, oh no one has ever seen the movie Space Odyssey 2001 before, how original.”
A Facebook cover photo is the large photo at the top of a Facebook timeline, right above an individual’s profile picture. Initial court proceedings of the lawsuit ‘Brock vs Horner’ begin January 28th at the U.S. District Court of Arizona in downtown Phoenix.
This is the original Facebook cover photo that was used by Brock:

This is the original Facebook cover photo that was used by Horner:

This is the new Facebook cover photo created and used by Horner that is at the center of this lawsuit:

New Study Shows The Bigger The Gun, The Bigger The Person, The Smaller The Penis

According to new studies released today by the American Research Group, the man in this picture would have a one inch fully erect penis.

Manchester, NH — A new study released today by the American Research Group shows that the larger an individual is along with also having a bigger gun directly relates to the size of that person’s penis size.
Paul Horner who headed up the 5-year study for the group explained to reporters how they came to the conclusion of their findings. “We took a group of over 500 male gun owners in various cities all around the country. Half of the men weighed under 200 lbs while the other half weighed over 200 lbs. We noticed immediately that the guns owned by the men weighing under 200 lbs were your normal size guns, your Glock pistols and such. The men weighing over 200, 300 and especialy 400 lbs all owned semi-automatic rifles and large weapons such as AK47′s. One individual weighing 769 lbs owned a Howitzer and scientists were unable to locate the man’s penis,” Horner said. “We measured the men’s penis sizes. It was an amazing find I must say. All the men with the large stomachs and big guns all had very small penises, whereas the normal size men with the normal size guns all had very average size penises.”
47-year-old Billy Jo Ray from DeQuincy, Louisiana who owns an AK47 and weighs 425 lbs said he does not agree with the study. “I don’t give a go*damn what these fact checkin’,  fancy scientists think. My one-half inch johnson satisfies all the ladies in town. I’ve never heard any complaints from my cousins once.”
Mayor Paul Covington of DeQuincy told reporters the town will be having its own ‘Gun Appreciation Day’ next weekend. “We do this every year around this time and unlike the recent national ‘Gun Appreciation Day‘ where five people were shot, we can safely assure our citizens that no one will get shot or killed at this upcoming event. We are taking safety precautions to eliminate any chances of someone getting hurt or injured. This includes no more all-night tailgating parties or BYOB at this event, that I can promise you.”
Horner said he will be attending the ‘Gun Appreciation Day’ in DeQuincy. “Our team of researchers and scientists will be closely monitoring the penis sizes of all the males attending this event. If our findings are correct, the town of DeQuincy should have the smallest penis sizes in the entire United States.”
To learn more about this study by the American Research Group or to participate you can call the ‘Big Gun-Big Man-Small Penis’ 24-hour hotline at (785) 273-0325..
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Bill Murray Catches Bank Robber In Tokyo, Accidentally

Bill Murray Catches Bank Robber In Tokyo, Accidentally

Bill Murray stopped a bank robbery in Tokyo today when a fan stopped to talk with him. That fan also happened to be the bank robber himself.

Tokyo, Japan — A bank robber was apprehended today in Tokyo after stopping to talk with none other than Bill Murray. “The man robbed the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi, ran out, saw Bill Murray walking on the street and stopped to talk to him. That’s when authorities were able to apprehend him,” Tokyo Police Chief Yakuza Mori told reporters.
Bill Murray who is in Tokyo promoting a new movie told reporters about the incident. “I saw this man in the street running towards me with a bag in his hand. Then he suddenly stopped when he saw me. He asked me if I was Bob Harris, the character I played in Lost in Translation. I told him, ‘sure, why not’. Then he started telling me how much he loved me and how great he thought I was. I was polite, I told him that was very nice of him to say. Then kind of out of nowhere, police showed up and tackled the man,” Murray said. “Some people might call me a hero, but I’m no hero. The real heroes today are the men and women of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.”
34-year-old American Paul Horner who is in Tokyo on business was at the bank when the robbery happened. “I was just standing behind this guy waiting for my turn. Then suddenly he starts waving around a knife demanding money I think, my Japanese is mediocre at best. So they fill this man’s bag with whatever was in one of the registers and then he runs out the door,” Horner said. “I’m not shaken up about the robbery at all, I’m pretty much a foot or two taller than all the people over here, so I thought it was kind of like a really cute bank robbery if that’s possible. What I am shaken up about is that Bill Murray was the one who stopped this guy and I didn’t get a chance to meet him.” Horner continued, “Bill Murray is my personal hero and today he was an actual hero for the city of Tokyo. What a cool guy.”
“We love Bill Murray very much in our country, he is very funny man,” said Tomi Tanaka who is manager of the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi. “Tomorrow, we are giving Mr. Murray an award with very big ceremony. It will be very excellent, everyone in Tokyo is invited.”
The robber, who’s name has not been released yet, was apprehended and taken into police custody. On his person police found a knife and a bag filled with 4,550,00.00 Japanese Yen, or about 5,000 USD.
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Drive-through customer shoots into fast food restaurant after being told to turn down music

Washington police are looking for a man who they say fired a shot into a fast food restaurant after an employee working the drive-through asked him to turn down the music blaring from his car.
The customer pulled up to a Jack in the Box in Auburn early Friday and gave his order, but the employee said he couldn’t hear it because of the music, SeattlePI.com reports.
When the man pulled up to the next window, he asked an employee for ranch dressing and fired into the store, police told Q13Fox.
The suspect sped away after shooting and is described as a heavyset black male in his mid-to-late 20s with a gap between his teeth.

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Female basketball coach arrested 'for affair with girl student on her team'

  A school basketball coach has been accused of multiple accounts of sex abuse after she allegedly had an affair with a female student on her team.
Investigators say Darcee Baney, 27, began a sexual relationship with the student from Belvidere High School in Rockford, Illinois on November 1, 2008. The alleged relationship continued until March 31, 2009.
Barney turned herself into police on Tuesday morning after becoming aware of their investigation.

Coach: Police say 27-year-old Darcee Baney had an affair with a then-17-year-old female student

At the time of the alleged relationship, Baney was a varsity basketball coach at Belvidere High School.
Investigators say there were five incidents of sexual abuse that took place between November 2008 and March 2009.

 

Baney was a star high school basketball player at Harlem High School where she held the record as the top scorer with 1,986 points. She had also played basketball in college.
At the time of the alleged abuse, she was 23 and the victim was 17.
Baney, who is married, also coached at Harlem Middle School and parents who have any concerns have been told to contact police.

School: Parents of student at Belvidere High School in Rockford, Illinois are in shock

She has been charged with aggravated criminal sexual abuse and five counts of criminal sexual abuse.
Aggravated criminal sexual abuse is a Class 2 felony, punishable by three to seven years in prison.
Criminal sexual abuse is a Class 4 felony, punishable by one to three years in prison.
Baney has been on paid administrative leave since September 5th, said Harlem School District Superintendent Julie M. Morris.
'This is an unfortunate situation, and I want to assure parents and students that our students and their safety remain the district’s number one priority,' Morris said in a statement.
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